I recognize that the honor-shame undercurrent isn’t exclusive to Asians, but it was definitely part of my childhood churchgoing experience.
The truth of the matter is that I have never had an interest in raising children, but admitting as much as a Chinese-American Christian woman often feels like treason. I am having to critically rethink what it means to honor my parents and parents-in-law, as this is probably the first point in my life at which I am able but staunchly unwilling to toss aside my own thoughts and feelings for the sake of behaving in the manner they desire or expect. Suddenly, my husband and I are not doing what our parents want. Suddenly, we have the audacity to rebel. Suddenly, we are no longer the “good” kids.
Six months into the job, I realized I had great disappointment and dissatisfaction. I had gone to law school based on an interest in combating human trafficking and violence against women, but I wasn’t making a tangible difference in the lives of anyone with real needs. Instead, I was making money for already-wealthy corporations.